We Interrupt This Blog…

…to bring you this important message.

Ladies and gentleman (I’ll leave it to you to figure out who is whom), when last we left our heroine she had confessed to outrageous positions on such things as spankings (she likes them), recycling (dependent upon which way the wind is blowing that particular day) and numerical order.

We understand that she has subsequently been kidnapped by a gang of two eco thugs and is being held ransom for the sum of…well, hold on a minute folks.  It seems they do not want money, but instead are asking for a bag of spicy tortilla chips and a lifetime supply of ginger beer.  And also, some Pepto Bismol and some Malabrigo yarn in the Vaa colorway.

One of the kidnappers appears to be dressed like a clown, and the other one is a clown, but was wearing a dog mask.  They were last seen shoving BKT into a baby blue Pacer and speeding off while blasting “It Takes Two” by Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock, and singing over the lyrics, “It takes THREE.”

If you see either of the suspects, or hear from Barely Knit, you are advised to call the CIA immediately, as they are holding a position open for her as a spy (her dream job) and with all the recent cutbacks are unable to spare the manpower necessary to find her. They have, however, uncovered WMDs.  In Monkey’s Eyebrow, AZ.

The Nigerians have offered to buy them.  They will mail you a certified check for $2473 over the amount, and all you have to do is deposit the check and send the difference on to their friend in Spasticsville, KS.

BKT’s family is anxiously awaiting word of her whereabouts and well-being, and also would like to know what they should have for supper and what clothes to wear and where she keeps the milk.

WP news will continue with up-to-the-minute information as the story unfolds.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

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20 Responses to “We Interrupt This Blog…”

  1. Here is our latest list of unreasonably seasonable politico demands…

    не хотел 😉 случайно 🙂 сменить дизайн? Поставить ещё тройку плагинов от спамераи будет 😉 красивее..ну это 😡 вот это 😉 будет нормально действительно спамераи будет 🙂 красивее.. ну это 😆

    Also, we are hungry… Please send the following foods…

    لا أتكلم السيريلية لكنني عملت لرجل يحب التظاهر وأنه سوف يتزوج المرأة الروسية.

    Finally, we require DVDs for our entertainment pleasure…

    Ғеφς Ђωπκβί
    Ѓχυςθθτ Фαηκλξτ
    Жψρϋώθγπή III – Return of Jason

  2. HAHAH – the Russian one is funny! I guess Grad school in Slavic Linguistics has finally paid off here on a knitting blog. My dad will be so happy and will not regret all the money now.

    I did see a Pepto Bismal colored tic tac sized “smart” car behind the guy doing a live shot in times square with a banner on it (from Wal Mart, I might add) that said “Spank This!” – was that YOU??? Because I know the Pacer didn’t make it that far…

    For the DVD demands, I suggest Raising Arizona. You can escape while they are alternately laughing at “boy, you got a panty on your head” and trying to figure out what the hell it is they’re sayin’..

  3. Does this by any chance mean I will not be receiving the normal humorous entertainment from this dastardly trio, but instead some abnormal hilarious entertainment? If so, keep BKT awhile and I’ll go stock up with extra boxes of popcorn and lots of cheap red wine. 😉

    • Mmmaphph crrgggahh…oooh, sorry. They had me gagged. (get it – gag? like a joke? Aw forget it.)

      I suspect that this thread will take on a life of its own, and I will get to coast a bit, because of the whole kidnapping thing and all.

  4. You’ll be hearing from us…don’t do anything stupid. If you call the blog police, the dame gets it.

  5. OMG….I hope they don’t have you bound and gagged in the hatchback!!

    • Yeah, that’s Fundamental Jelly driving. Alan and I are off to the side; I’m tied up and he’s drinking all my blueberry wine. Needless to say, we haven’t gotten very far yet. I’m so glad I got that chip implant that allows me to think my thoughts towards a cell phone tower which my Kindle 2 (it was considered experimental on the first Kindle) then picks up and transmits to my blog.

      Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to comment on your astounding video, which was transmitted to me from my computer, again via the Kindle 2 and my implant. I assume you found it by googling “baby blue pacer.”

      You are crazy amazing.

  6. Forget all that kidnapping nonsense…what’s Ginger Beer?

    • It’s not as exciting as it sounds. It’s really strong ginger ale, with real ginger in it. It has quite a bite to it, actually. It’s brewed and sort of fermented, but not to the point of being alcoholic. Jamaicans and Bahamians make it. I got some real stuff at a Jamaican festival in NYC years ago, and I’ve never found anyting like it since then. (I was going to correct my typo but then I thought it was sort of appropriate so I let it stand)

      So you don’t care that I’m kidnapped??

      Is it too much to say, “Nevermind, Bearman.” 😉

      • If saying Fuck You Bearman isn’t too much to say, I can’t say “Nevermind Bearman” is.

        Besides, it can’t be all that bad. They are still giving you internet access. Oh Crap, I have been kidnapped my Microsoft…oh the horror.

  7. My granny used to make ginger beer and root beer. One time the root beer blew up and scared the flying squirrels. One of the little fuzzballs was never really the same after that.

    Apple beer is great too, as long as you don’t have flying squirrels.

  8. Kidnapper’s Delight: Shandy Beer.

    Wonderful on a hot summer day or when you feel like just relaxing and not kidnapping someone…

    How to Make a Ginger Beer Shandy

    Pour the ginger beer into a beer pilsner or beer mug. Carefully add the ale, or lager, and serve.

    Ingredients:
    Ginger Beer 4oz
    Ale Beer 12oz

    • Alan
      You should know, since you are here holding me captive, that it’s 90 degrees outside. Didn’t your mama ever tell you not to bring recipes unless you actually had the beverage to share? Wait, did I say that right? Maybe I’m mixing my proverbs again.

  9. We will be sharing a shandy once your Stockholm Syndrome kicks in.

  10. Pocketus Interruptus…

    So far, 3 readers have answered my request!  Two men (one of whom wishes to remain anonymous, for reasons which will become apparent!) and one brave woman sent in pictures of the contents of their pockets or purse and I’m really looking forward t…

  11. Very nice. Your blog is awesome the stories are interesting and unique. They provide suspense and humor. I like this a lot.

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