Who Is That Masked Knitter?

I have an odd assortment of friends and acquaintances, and it is ever more apparent to me as I read the variety of posts from friends on Twitter and Facebook.

I have attachment parenting friends, cloth diapering friends, Christian friends, liberal friends, libertarian friends, far right wing friends and far out friends.  Some are republican, some democrat, some are Gemini and some couldn’t care less.  I have dared post on political things only once, and I sort of hedged my bets by not stating my position clearly.

I often steer clear of issues because I know one or another of my readers, possibly even my friends, will balk or be surprised or will try to argue me out of my beliefs, or someone will hurl insults and I’m just a damn lousy catcher.

But I’m kind of tired of pretending to be nothing, or something that will make everyone happy, and I’ve decided to let the record straight on some stuff that I’ve been too awkward proud to admit.

For what it’s worth:

1. I sometimes feed my kids McDonald’s.

2. I grocery shop at Walmart. Often.

3. I have spanked my children.  By accident.  Once.  Okay, those last two things are lies, but it was only in desperation and I never imagined I could ever do that.  I’m ashamed of it, because I believe it shows an unwillingness to find a better, more compassionate way of doing things. It shows impatience and laziness on my part.  But I did it.

4. I am a Libertarian.  Straight up, yo.  I want the government to have as little to do with me as possible.  “Establish justice and provide for the common defense” is pretty much where I draw the line.  

5. I belong to all kinds of birth advocacy groups and almost everyone in them believes that government funded health care is the way to go. I completely disagree. I’m pretty sure School House Rock didn’t sing about health care (see above quote).

6. I believe in taking care of the people around you so the government doesn’t have to provide charity at the point of a loaded tax gun, but I also believe in personal responsibility.  

7. I believe this list is getting way too serious, so I’ll throw in a knock knock joke.  You start.

I’m waiting…

Forget it.

8.  I believe in medication for mental problems.  Lots of it.  But not for everybody.  Just for me.

9. I co-sleep with my two sons.  Their mattress is on the floor beside our bed, but they always end up with us.  Sometimes we play musical beds and if one of us gets too crowded we go to the little bed.  I really want to get rid of our furniture and just put mattresses all over the floor, but the huz won’t let me.

11.  I don’t recycle glass and metal.

There, I said it.  Let the onslaught of vicious, opinionated people begin.

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38 Responses to “Who Is That Masked Knitter?”

    • See, this was a game I would play with my chatty Cathy daughter when she was little. I’d say, “Let’s tell knock knock jokes. You start.”

      She’d be quiet for several minutes trying to figure out what to say. I am such a rotten mom. 😉

    • Oops! I was probably supposed to say, “Who’s there?”

      So now I’m saying it.

      “Who’s there?”

  1. I use to beat the shit out of my kids at the McDonald’s inside the local WalMart while yelling at them, “Why can’t you be a Libertarian like me.”

    Regarding sleeping with little boys…I thought only priests were allowed to do that.

    • Well, I was raised Catholic.
      I was afraid it would come to this, FJ. But I’m too busy laughing to respond to you properly.

      So I’ll do it improperly: How you dare come all up in here insult me like some kind of grizzly bare and call me a pedalfile? You think your better then me?

    • Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

  2. I can’t believe FJ said that. Ok, I can, but wow that was funny. I have tears.

    Ok I’m back and better now. *snort*

    1) I think every kid should know what a Happy Meal and a McDonalds ice cream cone tastes like. They shouldn’t have them every day, but once in awhile. That’s part of being a kid.

    2) I don’t grocery shop at all. My husband does, and he does it at Walmart. Often.

    3) I spanked my oldest child on purpose less than five times ever. I never spanked the other three. I learned after the first one.

    4) I am an independent. I refuse to categorize myself because next year, my opinion may change.

    5) I really don’t have an opinion on healthcare. I pay an outrage amount every month out of my check to have it and my children are all happy and healthy and they are covered if they aren’t happy and healthy so I can help them become happier and healthier.

    6) I don’t want the governement to support my children or my parents. I will work my entire life and I will support them all, and hopefully, if the time comes when I can’t support myself, my children will be willing and able to.

    7) I do the same thing, but instead of knock knock jokes, it’s math problems. They get harder the older the kids get.

    8) The right drugs in the right hands are good. very good.

    9) My youngest children are a little older than yours. They’re 7 and 9, but at least a couple of times a week, I wake up to find at least one of them sleeping on the floor of my bedroom.

    10) Did you think we really wouldn’t notice? Is this like the knock knock joke?

    11) I recycle paper, glass, and plastic. The city trash people make me, but I wouldn’t have a problem doing it if they didn’t make me.

    As a side note, I tend to avoid topics of politics and religion because those arguments never end well.

    I’m not Catholic, but my husband is. I don’t necessarily practice any organized religion although one of my best friends is a Minister. He is constantly trying to reform me and I’m constantly trying to corrupt him. We make each other crazy.

    Isn’t that what friends are for?

    • Oh, I’m not Catholic anymore. 😉

      And I do recycle (see, here I go trying to make everyone like me again) – just not the very rare glass or aluminum item we use. But paper and plastic – yes.

      As for number 10 – my editor let it slip through. They’re not perfect, you know. In fact, I’ve often daydreamed about going through a NY Times bestseller and correcting all the errors in it, then sending it to the publisher and asking for a job. Do you think it would work?

      • You were just testing us with the number 10 to see if we were paying attention. Try sending them to the publisher and let me know, because I have a stack of them too that I’d like to correct and send back but I’ll put your name on them because I hate editing. The ones that really bug me are the textbooks when I was in college that had typos. Geez.

  3. so what’s your reason for not recycling?

    • Ah holy flim flam Batman!

      See, this is why I don’t share these things.

      I do recycle. Just not the occasional glass or aluminum item we use. I have no idea why.

      • I don’t recycle metal either. Does that make me as wicked as you? 😉

        • Nursemyra, I’m afraid it’s not the metal thing that makes you wicked. It could be the corset Friday thing, although I’m planning a post which will involve photos of shoes and possibly my feet, so maybe we are on equal footing.

          Hahahahahahaha! I slay me.

  4. How does your huz get his groove on if you have kids sleeping with you?

    Won’t that be ackward when they get to college and insist their roommate spoon them in order to be able to get to sleep? ha ha

  5. Bunny Says:

    I’m shocked. We all suspected you were not as perfect as you seem. 🙂

  6. Bunny Says:

    What the hell is that icon beside me?

  7. bbwwwwaaahhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

    OMG – you or FJ or both may have won my Make Me Laugh Monday ditty on my blog without even ever going there!!!!

    I’m STUNNED that you didn’t mention spanking your parents, which I’m tempted to do in WalMart all the time. Sheesh people – how many waffle makers do you need??

    Aaaah – thanks for this!!! *plunk* (my can going in the garbage can guiltlessly)

    Lydia
    Understand Blue
    http://www.understandblue.blogspot.com

    • Thank you so much for stopping by, Lydia! I love making people laugh; it beats the hell out of making them cry, which I am also quite good at.

      Now I’m off to check out your blog. Hope to see you again. 🙂

  8. woowoomama Says:

    1. you make me laugh.
    2. you gotta do what you gotta do.
    3. live and let live.
    4. dark & stormy. heck ya.
    5. anytime i feel i am not being green or crunchy or enough i exclaim really loudly, “but, i cloth diaper!”
    6. i am more of an arm grabber than a spanker. whooooops.
    7. i was afraid people who knew me would find my blog and read about my woowoo and not be friends with me anymore and then i remembered, i like woowoo so fuck ’em. (sorry for language).
    8. the bean said yesterday “why did the chicken cross the road? because he had a pot on his head!”
    9. i dream of lining our entire master bedroom with mattress on the floor also. but, my husband also thinks this is a terrible idea.
    11. is my favorite number. who knew?

    15. i have this theory that fj is your alter ego. seriously. i think you are both bk and fj. have i lost my mind or am i onto something?

    • Which one of us is the evil twin? Just curious. 😉 I’m terribly flattered to be compared to FJ. He’s one of my heroes. Or maybe I mean sidekick…I always get those confused. Really though, FJ, Alantru and I are all in cahoots and spats. Someday we will rule the world!

      Ala, peanut butter sandwiches!!! Ahahahahahahaha!

      13 is my favorite. Or maybe it’s 7. Or both. I suddenly find myself walking around in my house with the toddler, randomly shouting, “But, I cloth diaper!”

  9. You crack me up.

    I agree with you on some stuff, some not so much, but isn’t that what is supposed to be so great about our country? We can all disagree, but let each other live in peace…sort of?

    About the spanking thing, I get it. I have resorted to it myself. I hate it that I have. I hate it that I am not one of those moms that can have a heart-to-heart with my son and make him see the error of his evil ways. He is three, and he is good at it. Logic just doesn’t work.

    Thanks for being so honest!

    • You are welcome for my honesty! 🙂

      I think a lot of moms probably do stuff they’re not proud of. Unfortunately, the “cult of the mother” prohibits us from admitting we make mistakes. (please, someone – introduce a Fight Club reference here. I’m begging you!)

  10. Knock Knock

    Who’s There

    Howard

    Howard Who

    Howard Johnson

    ROFLMAO!!

    I came up with this winner when I was a wee one and it never ceases to amuse me (and only me!). Don’t even bother asking… if you don’t get it, you never will.

  11. The knock knock joke I made up as a kid

    Knock Knock – whos there
    Knock Knock – Who’s there
    Knock Knock – Who’s There
    about 5 more times
    Knock Knock – WHO THE HELL IS THERE

    Oh I am sorry, I have the wrong address.

  12. […] post was partially inspired by a chat with victory and partially by a post i read over at barley knit together today. and my list in the comments of barely knit might be more revealing than the list compiled […]

  13. woodsyearthmama Says:

    You won’t frighten me away….you may try…it won’t work! All things change and where we diverge now we may meet later. Allow me my opinions and I will respect yours.

    Namaste
    Kyrina

  14. I appreciate your honesty. Please reconsider shopping at WalMart. It destroys small businesses and they treat their employees like dirt.

    http://averyant.com/video_walmart.htm

    Your pal,

    Alan

  15. I, too, believe in taking medication for my mental problems. Yummy. I also believe that children should be spanked when they are really bad. I was spanked as a child and I’m not upset about it.

  16. […] Naked, and None the Better For It This is an impromptu post instigated inspired by my last post.  I wanted to say some things, and unfortunately didn’t consider the […]

  17. danny d Says:

    good not apologizing for who you are. i take this as good modeling for me.
    danny

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