Facebook Interview With Barely Knit Together

That’s right folks – the long awaited interview has been granted at last.  The reclusive, eccentric Ms. Barely Knit (the appellation she prefers) has agreed to sit down with us in a very posh cafe, provided we foot the bill and bring a couple of bottles of wine, a Chinese parasol, the “Which brand ball peen hammer are you?” app,  and a few other things, which…um…well, we might describe in detail at a later date.

While we don’t really understand all of her requirements and were unfamiliar with the particular devices she was looking for, we were so thrilled to have the opportunity, we complied in full.

FB:  So, BKT, may we call you that?

BKT:  Of course you can.  Except on Mondays.  And cloudy days.  And any day I’m feeling blue.  And only if your name is Fundamental Jelly or Alan Truitt.  

FB:  Okay.  Let’s get started.  First we’d like to know what inspires you.  What makes you tick?  How did you become so insightful an observer of the human condition, besides being…you know…human.

BKT: Um…

FB:  Oh!  Haha! Sorry, wrong script.  That’s the NY Times interview, they must have left their questions behind.  Here we go:  What five things would you want with you if zombies were attacking?

BKT:  That’s more like it.  I would want a bottle of 18 year old scotch, a boggle game, binoculars, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, and a Mauser 1934 pocket pistol.  So I can enjoy myself, and see the zombies coming far enough ahead that I can take myself out.

FB:  Okay, wonderful.  Now, what are your most unusual habits?

BKT:  Loving Big Band & swing music, dancing the Jitterbug and the Charleston, listening to Prairie Home Companion on NPR, and having to always put the pillowcases on so the tag on the pillow goes in first.  Oh, and there’s the whole “setting the microwave timer to a pleasing number” thing.

FB: Fascinating!  You really are every bit as odd as you make yourself out to be.  How do you choose the tags for your posts?

BKT:  Well, I confess to stealing some of them from my pal Fundamental Jelly.  Others I just grab willy nilly from the recesses of my geek brain.  Klein Bottles, for instance, are a shape that…

FB:  YES!  Okay, then.  Well, looks like we’re all finished here!  Now we will open up the interview to random interlopers.  Any questions you’d like to ask Ms. Barely Knit?  Fire away!

We’ll be busy practicing misspelling, poor grammar and meaningless questions for our next series of Facebook Quizzes!

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40 Responses to “Facebook Interview With Barely Knit Together”

  1. This is exciting! I wouldn’t want to ask anything inappropriate, so I will run them by your PR agent first.

  2. of course pillows have to go into their cases tag first. Is there any other way? That’s a rhetorical question by the way so I’m allowed another.

    What’s your favourite stitch?

  3. Impressive BK. I guess great minds think alike, I’ve been considering doing interviews with fellow bloggers, but if you feel you have a proprietary claim I will respect it…interview Alan Truitt first.

    • I like it! But I’m not sure how that would work. Would I make up his answers for him? Oh! Of course I would. This is going to be fun.

      Except, I really think you ought to do it, but I’ll send you some questions and answers. I’m not sure my audience is that enquiring.

      Besides, this is my interview and isn’t there anything you’d like to ask me?

      • Yes, have you ever been west of the Rockies? And. yellow or brown mustard?

        • No, sadly I have never been west of the Rockies. Though I might take a little trip out to Seattle next month. Maybe. I’m not sure yet.

          And brown mustard. Crunchy, like with whole mustard seeds still visible. And with beer in it. Or beside it, either way.

  4. woowoomama Says:

    which direction does the opening of the pillow case face with regards to the outer edges of the bed? and how do you hang your toilet paper?

    • That’s two questions, woowoo, but I’ll let it slide this time.

      The opening must face towards my back if I am lying on my side, as in the example linked here (Me, on my pillow. Naughty bits are, of course, blacked out). If I am on my back, the opening should face the nearest edge of the bed.

      As for the toilet paper, it should release toward you, not toward the wall, as I’ve illustrated here. I hope this settles your question for you, woowoo. Next!

      • woowoomama Says:

        saaweeeet. based on your answers to my questions and the further detailing of your number preferences below i have determined that i can be friends with you. what a relief. you know, since we are so close and all…

  5. yorksnbeans Says:

    oh shucks…woowoo stole my question!! Now, I have to go think of another. BBL.

  6. yorksnbeans Says:

    okay that didn’t take too long….If you woke up one morning to find that everything was upside down, (like you were walking on your head, water came out of the faucet like a fountain, and trees were growing out of the ground leaves first), would that confuse you? Or would you consider this a typical day?

  7. WOW! I love big band music and dancing the jitterbugs too! My mum taught me! ITS THE BESTEST!

    If i make it out to Virginia, ill have to go dancing with everyone! LOSTL!

    Bob

    • Bob, us good folks here in Virginia would love to have you. We could also do some flat footing to bluegrass music. It’s a rollicking good time, here.
      Keep us posted on your travel plans.

      Fondly,
      BKT

      • yaaay! i once met an americanised person before. They had an accent!

        They passed through town on the hitchhike! so i would very much love to visit a town on the hitchhike as well! LOSTL! What delights!

        Bob

        • Don’t you fellows call it a walkabout? I thought I heard that once. I used to hitchhike, until I realized what a dreadfully bad idea it was for a teenage girl.

          • LOSTL! only the locals call it walkabout!

            we still call it hitchhiking, but i dont think Mum will let me do it.

            And is it a bad idea for a teenage girl?

            I suppose there are some strange people around!

            Bob

  8. Don’t ever try to play a game of Boggle with a zombie — they are terrible spellers.

  9. “Oh, and there’s the whole “setting the microwave timer to a pleasing number” thing.”

    What the hell does that mean?

    • Get with the OCD program, bearman. Some numbers give me the heebie-jeebies, and some just feel right. So I can’t just set the timer to any number. Duh!

      If you need an example, I hate the number 42. I prefer odd numbers, but some combinations containing even numbers are okay, like 38. Occasionally I can just go with a nice round number like 20, but rarely. And alarm clocks work the same way. So if we ever work together and you come up behind me while I’m reheating my coffee in the break room microwave, you’ll know why I’m setting it for 27 seconds. But I startle easily, so don’t sneak up on me.

  10. If you could be any type of diaper in the world, what kind would you be? (I realize this is rhetorical but I thought you might want an excuse to talk about diapers some more).

    • That’s very thoughtful of you Tannerleah, but it’s also proving difficult for me to come up with a pithy answer to that one. I guess I’d have to say an unused diaper would be my preference. Not disposable. Soft. Organic. Maybe bamboo fabric – unusual, expensive, luxurious but also earthy.

      Or I’d just settle for being Viggo Mortensen’s Depends when the time comes for that.

  11. Okay. I’ve cleared them with “your people.”

    1. You’re funny. Why isn’t that statement a question?

    2. In 10 words or less. Why are we here?

    3. Any creative side projects on the go? Anything you can tell us?

    4. Why is Bob Trusty just so damn sexy and will you ever stop twittering about him?

    5. Is it true you once broke Courtney Love’s jaw? If not – why?

    6. If I told you Carmelite Nuns were made of caramel what would you say to me?

    7. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

    8. Your five favorite LPs (LPs) of all time. What the heck. Movies too.

    9. If you could spend an afternoon with only one of these people, who would it be and why?
    a)Kurt Vonnegut
    b)Crabby Old Man
    c)David Sedaris
    d)Shakespeare

    10. Boxers or briefs?

    • Whew! I certainly have my work cut out for me here. I’ll have to have a little talk with my PR people.

      1. Japanese eggplant

      2. For my amusement

      3. Yes. Yes.*

      4. He’s just so happy. I can’t help myself. He’s like my evil twin or something. Except I’m the evil one, so I guess he’d be my non-evil twin. And we don’t look alike, so we’re not really twins. And he lives in Australia. So really we’re not alike at all. But he’s happy, and no, dammit, I will not stop twittering about him. Can’t stop the Trusty Tweeting! The lusty Trusty Twittering Tweetness.

      5. It’s true. We were vying for Kurt’s affections and she showed up at his house at the same time I did, after he’d spent the weekend with me. I was overcome with jealousy. But he decided I was too “crazy” and “fucked up” for him, so he married her and joined the Air Force. Wait a minute…which boyfriend was that?

      6. I’d say let’s wrap some apples, baby. And that is a euphemism for something, but I can’t tell you what.

      7. I don’t think I’ll be able to see myself in 10 years, unless I am living on another planet and have a super telescope that will receive images that are only just now arriving on that planet because the light had to travel so far it took 10 years to get to my super duper telescope. Oh, wait a minute again. That would be seeing me now, but being myself in 10 years. OMG! This phsychics stuff is *so* confusing.

      I think in 10 years I will be famous. Because of my Darwin award and all.

      8. I really don’t think I can narrow it down to 5. I’m so sorry. My tastes are just too eclectic and bizarre, I would be leaving out something important. But The Beatles (better knows as The White Album) is on the list somewhere. As is John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme. And Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. And Lucinda Williams’s Car Wheels on a Gravel Road. And The Rolling Stones’s Let It Bleed. And Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. Aretha Franklin’s I Never Loved a Man the Way That I Love You. Metallica’s Master of Puppets. Oingo Boingo’s Dead Man’s Party. Holy crap. See what I mean??

      Movies are easier:
      a) Very Bad Things
      b) Wild at Heart
      c) Burn After Reading
      d) The Princess Bride
      e) (somewhat shamefully) Ever After

      I’m a very confused person.

      9. Well, I’m torn between Vonnegut and David Sedaris, but since I have a very sensitive sniffer and all those other guys are dead or too close to it for comfort, I’ll have to go with Sedaris. Except Vonnegut is my favorite author ever. And someday I would truly love to meet the mind/minds behind Crabby Old Fart. So my answer is Sedaris. Do you know him? Can you get him to hang out with me? That would be awesome! Totally!

      10. It depends on what the definition of “is” is. Does anyone have a cigar?

      Ha! Kidding. Boxer briefs, of course.

      *I have some writing happening here in fits and starts. Unfortunately, what I seem to be focusing on is decidedly un-funny, though there will be some humor in there also, since I find dysfunction and mental illness highly amusing. I also have some short stories in the frying pan. Or on the camp stove. I seem to be having trouble with my idiomatic speech lately. But that’s enough, before I jinx myself.

      • And alantru wins the prize for making me write an entire other blog post! Just for that, he is obligated to keep the comment thread going so I don’t have to post again until Friday.

  12. Thank you for indulging me. That was wonderful. There’s no way I can follow up after that performance. I shall, however, try my best. But all doula questions go to you.
    😉

  13. I was enjoying the interview, chuckling quietly to myself but then you totally got me with the “setting the microwave timer to a pleasing number” thing.

    Of course there’s that. Why wouldn’t there be that?

    My question to you, Ms Barely Knit, is from one of the Facebook quizzes that one of my friends recently took:

    “Which Marginalized Disney Gal Are You?”

    For some reason, I really like the use of the word Gal in that question. I expect there aren’t too many disney female characters that lend themselves to “Gal”. But I know you can answer the question anyway.

    • NDM, this question was harder to answer than I thought it might be. There aren’t all that many “fifth business” type gals in Disney movies. In fact, I’m not sure my gal could be considered “marginalized” but I’d have to say, after doing some research, that I am Wendy Darling, much to my dismay.

      I don’t want to grow up, but having tried not to and finding the people around me to be immature or incapable of caring for themselves, I’ve resigned myself to take care of them. Every now and then, however, I take to my childish ways again. And I do tend to live in a fantasy world. And also, I love to fly through the air.

      But I’m not down with pirates.

  14. If you had one day that you could relive (either to enjoy or redo) – which would it be and why?

    Yes, I know that the “and” makes that two questions – my students love that.

    • This is even worse than the album question. How do I choose one day to relive out of all the beautiful ones I have had, and all the mistakes I’ve made?

      I choose a summer day in 1991, when I lived on Early Street with a boyfriend and our friend Roger lived upstairs from us. Another friend owned the house and we all rented from him.

      Roger and I were the only ones home and it was a hot, hot, summer day, but it threatened rain. When it finally decided to let loose, it was a terrific, torrential thunderstorm. We were so hot, we ran outside and danced around in the rain like kids. We giggled and hugged and fell down and it was one of the most beautiful memories I have.

      We had both had kind of difficult times growing up, and were both trying to find a way to heal and lead healthy lives. We struggled with the same questions. Am I lovable? Am I worthy? And for just a minute we forgot all about that stuff. We just knew.

  15. Otay…..i was going to leave a snappy comment but i think everyone beat me to it.

    But I think I got a suggestion on how to improve the next interview.

    I did this a couple of times and gots lots of chuckles: As the interviewer, try berating yourself. Be confrontational. Be aggressive. Be obnoxious.

  16. I LOVE Prairie Home Companion. That voice just soothes me.

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