Twelve Steps Away From My Desk
“My name is Jennifer, and I’m addicted to comment threads.”
“Hi, Jennifer.”
It started innocently enough.
Or not.
Look, I’m a black hole of need, okay? If some brilliant person wants to throw down the gauntlet and have a little back and forth wordplay, I’m all over it. I live to be clever. I need the affirmation that my brain has not, as I previously suspected, turned to mush.
I hit a comment thread and I just can’t let go.
I have even been known to dream about commenting.
I’m sick, I tell you.
I’m walking my dog, pushing the stroller, and all I can think is, “What would the saucy tomato bunny from that comic pulp fiction thread say next?”
I spend 10 minutes or more editing a comment. If I’m away from the computer for a while, I get edgy and irritable. My skin itches. This is a cry for help, people. I need a serious interventi
um hey. this is barelyknittedtogs or whatever she calls herself daughter. i’m sick of like sitting here waiting 4 her to finish ths whatever thing n i don wnt to sit around herr all freakin day so just like go do somethin else for a while and giv me back my moms for chrissakes. all this comment anxiety shit is harshing my mellow.
❤ (thats a kiss and rite now it means buh-bye 4 all u old foks who don’t know)
Barely Knit Together 
May 1, 2009 at 17:19
The first step is admitting you have a problem, the second step is going back to check the thread and prepare a response…Wait, so I have this horrible malady too. Damn you Jennifer.
May 1, 2009 at 19:03
I don’t have time to respond, I have to go click on “my comments.”
May 1, 2009 at 19:08
Except, I do want to say Happy Birthday, damned though I be. Have a great weekend away!
May 1, 2009 at 19:26
Me, I can quit anytime… Yeah… Anytime…
(Oh look, it’s the three of us… The only thing missing is the church basement. )
“Hi, my name is Alan and it’s been three seconds since my last thread…”
May 1, 2009 at 19:38
LOLOL! LOSTL! Are you sure there are only three of us? Last I counted there were at least five, more likely seven or eight, when you factor in splitting issues.
May 2, 2009 at 13:46
🙂
Did we ever figure out what LOSTL stood for? And of so, why wasn’t I informed? Someting tells me your daughter could settle this mystery for us.
May 2, 2009 at 14:04
I think at this point, it’s more fun to not know what it means. A little mystery is always good, right? 😉
And yes, I did enable emoticons in my comments.
Cheers!
May 2, 2009 at 17:45
Emotocon 5000!
🙂 🙂 ):) 🙂 🙂
Well, Emotocon 5 anyway…
May 2, 2009 at 17:45
Jeese, I blew that.
Let’s try again….
Emotocon 5!
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
May 2, 2009 at 22:08
Okay, I totally didn’t get it. Is that like Web 2.0? Or ISO 14,000? Help me out here, cubicle man.
May 3, 2009 at 12:49
Nope. Just a lame joke. Tight fit here.
May 1, 2009 at 19:32
[dreaming about comments
threads, that’s kinda bad, how
about reading a book instead?]
May 1, 2009 at 19:45
Welcome, squarebrackets; thanks for stopping by. I read in my sleep, too. I’m a multi-addicted type person 😉
May 3, 2009 at 12:55
Phew. Okay, some breathing room. There was no sense what so ever behind EMOTOCON 5000 I just like the sound of it. “I like the way it rolls out…” As a super genius once said.
May 3, 2009 at 13:57
Marvelous! Genius, in fact. 🙂
I LOVE Looney Tunes. I get a little giddy when I see the old “Merry Melodies” intros. Funny – my sons and I were just watching Bugs B. in “1001 Rabbit Tales,” or at least I was. They were jumping all over me like very heavy lemurs. Thanks for the smile on a difficult day to be my kids’ mom.
May 3, 2009 at 16:26
My pleasure, my friend!
Got to love the Looney tunes and Merry Melodies.
Speaking of lemurs: I once wrote for a kid’s show that starred a lemur.
May 3, 2009 at 16:47
Oh, let me guess. Zoboo? I used to watch that with my daughter (who is 16 now). For some reason she lost interest in it. My zoology prof. from college worked summers at the Duke University lemur center, and I visited it one time. Fun.
May 3, 2009 at 17:44
That’s him! I know about the lemur center at Duke U.!