Postpartum Depression: My Story

I finished my story, and posted it over on Blogher.

I’m not thrilled with it, just like everything else I do.  There’s more to tell, more to sort through, more to figure out.  I want to be able to tell you I am all better, but I’m not there yet.

PPD can disguise itself as normal parenting fears, irresponsibility, anger.  It can cause a grown up to behave childishly or irrationally.  And moms, of all people, are most likely to want to hide it, and to be capable of doing so.  We keep going, because really – we have to.

I can only tell you, if you are reading my story because you have one of your own – get help.  Tell someone you are not sure what’s going on, but you might be about to self-destruct.  Force yourself to ask for what you need, or arrange someone else to make sure you are getting it.  Friends won’t mind lending a hand.

They’d much rather wash your dishes than go to your funeral.

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5 Responses to “Postpartum Depression: My Story”

  1. Heather Says:

    Wow. You are so brave to write all that. Some of it I can identify with, as you know…and it was so very helpful to read what you wrote and know that I am not the only one that has ever gone through some of these issues. Other parts of it…I haven’t been there…but still, thank you for writing it and putting yourself out there. I will be praying for your decisions and I hope you know that whatever you decide, you are a good mom, a good friend, a good person. It is tough when the choices we have to make are not always a perfect outcome all around…because to gain one thing, you have to lose another. Anyway, thank you for allowing me (and others) to know this part of your life.

  2. I’m really moved by your story. It’s beautifully written, and it is going to help a LOT of new moms. It was brave, and I’m sure it was difficult, to tell it, but thank you for doing it. I will keep you in prayer as you try to discern the best way to attend to your own health and balance that with the needs of your family.

  3. Wow. Giant hugs and waves of compassion and understanding being sent your way. That is so *huge* about anger being a component of depression. I’ve always thought that I don’t feel the profile because I’m not under a huge black cloud and in bed all the time. But, I, too have struggled with a tape that wouldn’t turn off which was full of judgment and wounding to my own self. With my PTSD that was put into motion with last Spring’s CHF and organ failure (and treatment by the medical idiots i was seeing then), I have tried SSRIs, but it didn’t go well. I have a friend who went off SSRIs and birth control pills (hormone help) and is now only on the bi-polar medication. She feels worlds better and is doing really well. Can’t remember which one, but can find out if you’re interested. You are a courageous, honest and talented woman. Your struggle is *our* struggle. Your sisters are with you. Don’t lose sight of that.

  4. […] sake and for their child’s sake (this has been reaffirmed by people like Kristin @ babyREADY, Jennifer @ Barely Knit Together and Katherine @ Postpartum Progress). But even among moms that do not have PPD, there seems to be […]

  5. I so have components of OCD, so much that I almost want to go and get it checked out. But a few years back I was assessed for PTSD after being threatened, along with my co-workers by a member of the Hell’s Angels. (long story – won’t go into it) I was 9 mos pregnant at the time. A month or so after the incident while I was on mat leave a psychologist came to my house and ran a battery of tests. It turned out I didn’t have PTSD but we found out I was on the cusp of having OCD. I wasn’t that surprised. And the symptoms you write about having I certainly see myself as having, or at least, as having had. But they come and go depending on my current stressors.
    Anyway, I am grateful for your honesty and openess and your putting it out there-ness. It’s good for me and its good for alot of other people too. I work/ed in the mental health field and I’ve gotta say that sharing stories makes a diffference. No one wants to feel alone and you are helping people not to feel that. So thank you.

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