Too Much

I want to stay home.  I really do.  But somehow, between getting the teenager to work, the four year old to school and OT, and me to my own therapy (which includes, on occasion, knitting at the Starlight Cafe), I end up in the van.  A lot.

Sometimes it’s just a distraction from the difficulty of keeping big brother from gnawing off his little brother’s arm, or knocking the head off of another nine iron by swinging it into the 100 year old pillars supporting the porch.  And sometimes it’s just life.  Appointments, obligations, errands.

Today, when I gave middle guy the run down of our afternoon, he said, “But mom, I just want to go home.  That’s too much for me!”

He’s right; it’s too much for anyone.  I have to find a way to slow down the attention deficient brain in this head, to quit just trying to get through each day and waiting for the end.

What makes a person able to be still?  A skill I’m learning in therapy (Superlagirl, you are not alone!) is mindfulness.  I’m supposed to be fully present in each moment, not eating a Butterfinger-crunch pie from Burger King organic hummus with a fork while I drive my kids around town listening to “Another Phonics Rule” and Trout Fishing in America.

So for the first time, I would like to pose a question.  How do you make yourself stop and focus?  Is there some inner signal that tells you it’s “too much” before you need a straight jacket and I.V. Jack Daniels?

I’d like to learn to stop before it’s too late.

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One Response to “Too Much”

  1. For me, it’s a constant, constant stepping back in order to see my life from a distance, disentangling from all those arms and legs so that the bigger picture comes into play. I try to ask myself, “what is happening here? How does it feel? what really needs to happen and what really doesn’t?” I try to think about what is needed short-term (we have NO catfood) versus things that can wait for a calm or spontaneous moment. And when I am feeling chaotic inside, nothing calms me down like taking control of the outside, throwing shit out, burning an incense stick and making my environment peaceful.

    Then I reassess again: what is really needed?

    It can be hard to set limits. Sometimes my kids want to do things at times that aren’t good and I am learning to say no, learning to say, YES, after you all go clean your rooms up we will do that. And some days, of course, everything goes wrong. This is hard work. But for me, looking for a bigger picture helps. It helps me too (esp now that I am in school full-time) is to have TIMES for things, so that I am able to put something aside knowing that its time is coming. And you know I am not a very structured person so I mean that loosely, but there is def. value to it.

    Sorry I wrote a blog on your blog. Go throw some shit out and you’ll feel better. Throw that damn bread machine out.

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