I plan to make this the world’s most poorly planned and quickly executed blog post in history.
I drove to New Jersey Friday while listening to Wigfield by Amy Sedaris, Stephen Colbert, and Paul Dilello, and found myself transported to a land in which, instead of passing big rigs with Jesus slogans plastered on them, I sped by things such as a “World’s Largest Mushroom Producer” truck with tremendous mushroom graphics everywhere. There is something disturbing about a fungus that dwarfs your minivan.
Next up – “The Sons of Anarchy” rig, decked out in skulls and amazing tattoo art, or something. It was a thing of beauty, not least because I assumed it was a militia that was gathering a large following and obviously interesting many investors in its plan. What militia can afford an eighteen-wheeler like that? They’re normally too busy amassing weaponry and building compounds.
Since I don’t really believe there has yet emerged a group capable or truly willing to overthrow the government, I found myself getting really excited about the possibility that here was just such a group. Organized enough to have a name, to get the fancy truck with the gorgeous art, and to take their show on the road. Alas, thanks to the wonders of Google, I now know that “Sons of Anarchy” is a fucking television show. And that about sums up my opinion. I like my imaginary version much better, and have been busy writing up the vision statement for my newly formed militia, “Sons of Bitches and Daughters of Anarchy.” Leaving a revolution to men is just so eighteenth-century.*
Finally, my favorite vehicle on the road Friday was the tanker truck reading, “Valley Proteins – Not for human consumption. Technical Animal Fat.” I think it requires no further embellishment. I will just let the full impact of the possiblitites for the existence of such a beast to settle into your mind. And your stomach.
All in all, it was a delightful drive with only moderate screaming in the background, during which I just put both ear buds broadcasting Wigfield into my ears and turned up the volume. A lot.
*I have set up a Paypal account for receiving donations with which to pay for my husband’s defense when he sues the Department of Energy to have his security clearance reinstated. Fortunately, when Big Brother questions me about him, they don’t ask my views on government, so there’s a chance no one will notice my little leanings toward…let’s call it Extreme Libertarianism. Nonetheless, your donations are appreciated. I will use them to buy a cool truck and get some new ink. Thanks.