Disclosure: I occasionally, in a fit of mindlessness, click on those ridiculous quizzes from Facebook. Go ahead, mock me. You’ve all done it too and I know it.
Yesterday, there was one purporting to tell me what kind of mommy I am. From five questions.
I don’t think anyone should be pigeonholed into some arbitrary category of parenting by a mere five questions, so I’ve decided to develop a much more scientific quiz for my amusement your edification. Complete the following statements with the choice that most fits you.
1. The only reason I would allow my 18 month old to continue to squish his hands around in the puddle of glue he spilled on the train table is:
A. I am busy paying bills
B. I didn’t see him doing it
C. I would never, EVER leave a bottle of glue out where a child could get to it.
D. I am blogging and just need five more minutes.
2. My child likes to fish his waffles out of the toaster on the floor with the hook from my tea strainer ball. I:
A. Tell him it’s dangerous and not to do it anymore.
B. Wonder why he’s so quiet in there…
C. Your toaster is on the FLOOR??
D. Unplug the toaster and tell him he can only do it when mommy’s right there.
3. My four year old starts saying “Damn” on a frighteningly regular basis. I:
A. Explain to him that some words are not nice and we shouldn’t use them.
B. Convince myself he’s saying “Dan” and that it’s all just a cute misunderstanding.
C. Refuse to leave the house for fear of being mortified by this foul-mouthed child.
D. Try really hard not to laugh, then tell everyone that all words are just tools and if we don’t pay attention to it he’ll get over the novelty of it.
4. My little ones decide it is TONS of fun to slide down my back from my bed to theirs and crash into the pillows and blankets. I:
A. Hmmm…I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.
B. Uh, I’m on Facebook, not horsing around on the bed.
C. OMG! Your children sleep in the same room as you?!
D. Laugh hysterically and think that this bed arrangement is the coolest thing ever.
5. I am trying to write a quiz for my blog, and my kid keeps saying, “Mommy come in here and play the tickle game with me!” I:
A. Say, “I am working, sweetie, and I need just a few more minutes. Then I will come in and play.”
B. Shout, “For the last time, I’ll come in there when I’m ready!”
C. I don’t have time for that sort of thing. There are cupcakes to make for the PTA bake sale and then the Junior League meeting is tonight!
D. Say, “Here is the $200 wireless keyboard. Come in here and you can sit on the floor and write just like mommy!” And decide that maybe five questions is enough, after all.
Scoring: If you answered A, B, or D for any of the questions, or any combination of them, or if your answers would change around among those choices depending on the day (or time of month), congratulations – you are a real mom.
If you answered C for any question: you are definitely reading the wrong blog.